Little Drummer Boy

We walked into a packed mass tonight.  Thinking we were early as we arrived 10 minutes prior to the start, we were greeted with packed pews and parishioners lining the sides of the church.  Walking in circles, we finally settled on an unoccupied spot against the wall...right in the front of the church.  With no place to sit, I knew it was going to be an interesting Christmas Eve service.

Gabriella isn't unruly.  She isn't rude.  What she is, is 3.  What she is, is a people person.  What she is, is a dancer and as each Christmas hymn was sung before and during the mass, Gabriella would go to the spot between the front pew and sanctuary and dance.  My first instinct was to make her stop.  I didn't want her to be a distraction, better I didn't want the glaring looks of parents making me feel bad to continue.

But, then I thought of the Little Drummer Boy.  The boy who didn't think he had anything to offer Jesus.  As those around him had the finest gifts, he was saddened because he didn't have anything he thought was worthy of a King.  As the story continues, we hear how the Little Drummer Boy learned that his talent for playing the drum could be his gift.  It was his gift to baby Jesus.

So, I went against my initial instinct to make Gabriella stop.  I let her dance.  Of course, on the outside, I played it off like I knew she should be sitting still in reverence to God and the Mass that was taking place, but...

on the inside, I was yelling, dance, GG, dance.  He's watching and He is so proud.

I mean, if you're going to dance for any occasion, wouldn't the birth of Christ be worthy of your greatest performance?

The Little Drummer Boy...he had the drums.

GG...she has dance.

What do you have?  

We all have something that is worthy of Him.

This Christmas, as humanity celebrates the greatest gift of all time, I hope you are celebrating the gifts you have to offer in return.

Love,

Mary

My World is Empty Without You, Babe

As we were hanging the ornaments on the tree a few weeks ago, I looked at one and smiled.  It holds an extra special place in my heart because it represents so much.

This time last year, I was pregnant with the twins.  I was going through, what has still been, the most difficult time of my life.  My pregnancy with the twins was an experience that no one will ever really get, but then again, I don't expect anyone to get it.  It's between the twins and me.  A special bond that we have, that we were able to make it through...together.

So, I've spent this Christmas season thinking a lot about how different life has become in just 1 year.  I was a little emotional anyways, but then on Friday, the news hit of the tragedy in Connecticut.

In the days since I heard the news, I have felt every feeling, for every single person involved, but I keep going back to the parents.  As a parent, you never really let yourself imagine what you would do if you lost your child.  You don't allow yourself to go to that place because the hurt would be too real.  The pain, the devastation...all of the feelings that would make your heart break.  

 

Do you know what I think every single person that deals with loss holds onto?

 

Memories.

 

Memories of time spent together.

 

And who among us ever experiences loss only to say, "Wow, I spent too much time with my child, mother, father, sister, etc."  No one ever walks away without wishing there had been more time together.

 

Maybe that's why I get so frustrated when people, society, loved ones spend so much of their energy on things that will never ever matter.  Society has created and perpetuated people that feel like accomplishment and success comes from the amount of money you make, the type of car you drive, how busy you are, how many famous people you know, what kind of job you have.  These are the things people brag about, and think you care about.  No one ever says, "Hey Bob, wanna hear how much time I spent with my child this week?" or, "Hey Tina, you'll never guess what I learned about my husband from the most amazing conversation we had."  Let's be honest, a lot of the time, people are building themselves up to make you wish you had what they had.

Do you think one single parent dealing with the loss of their child in Connecticut wouldn't give up everything they owned for just one more second with their child? 

 

Why do we let things that don't matter get in the way of things that do?

 

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Last night, we attended an event and on the way out, as everyone was standing at the front door and in the yard preparing to leave, Rick and I loaded up all three girls in my 2003 Nissan Sentra, busting at the seams, and as Rick started the car, it died.  It always does and to be quite honest, it's a little embarrassing.  But you know what, it wasn't last night.  I rolled down my window and yelled to anyone that was listening, "Oh don't worry, it always starts eventually!"  In true fashion, my car started right up and we laughed all the way home!  These people probably thought, "Oh that poor family with the 3 girls...don't even have a car that will start." Ha!  I'm laughing right now as I share the story with you.

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So, where was I?  Ornament, last Christmas, memories, loss, priorities, memories...

memories...

Rick recorded the Ed Sullivan show that aired on KET a few weeks ago.  Since then, we play it and Gabriella dances and sings along with the performances.  Yesterday, Rick put on the Supremes and Gabriella mouthed the words, and shook her little booty!  The words to the song...

"My world is empty without you, babe.

My world is empty without you, babe."

The moment was not lost on me.  

 

On Friday night, as I cuddled in bed with Gabriella, I pulled out A Christmas Story.  I asked, "Gabriella, why do we celebrate Christmas?"  

She replied, "Jesus."  

"We celebrate Jesus being...." I waited for her to finish my sentence.

GG replied, "Boring.  Jesus being boring."

Well, actually that's born, not boring!

These are the memories we're making and there will be even more memories made this Christmas, as we add Marielle and Genevieve to the mix.  

When I think back on the ornament and what it represents, I am in awe that I've made it this far!  I don't know how we do it.  I don't really want to try and analyze it.  All I know is that we are spending our time together, focusing on each other, and wherever we're going, we're sure to arrive in a jacked up car that won't start on the first try!

I hope you look for God in the time you spend with your family.  He is always there.

Love, 

Mary

Sometimes

I wish I could share with you the countless ways in which I've read about or heard the hearts of other mothers who feel frustrated or confused.  Mothers who feel like everyone else has it together, everyone except them.  Newsflash moms:  None of us have it all together and shame on us for trying to put on appearances as if we do.  Our prayers, our fears, our hopes...they are more alike than we think.  

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Sometimes, I stay in the shower long after I'm clean in order to have a break from it all.
Sometimes, the sound of the twins crying makes me want to cry.
Sometimes, I doubt myself.
Sometimes, I use The Cat in the Hat on KET as a babysitter for GG while I get things done.
Sometimes, I don't really care that GG is 3 and still isn't potty trained, she won't wear a diaper forever.
Sometimes, I want to wear my pajamas to the grocery (but I don't).
Sometimes, I wish I could get away with wearing those really comfortable mesh undies from the hospital.
Sometimes, I push my clean laundry on the floor because I don't feel like folding it.
Sometimes, I look in the mirror, only to feel discouraged about baby weight that won't go away on its own.
Sometimes, I'm so tired I can barely hold my eyes open.
Sometimes, I worry.

More often than not, I laugh until my cheeks hurt.
More often than not, moments of joy move me to tears.
More often than not, I pray for God to slow things down.
More often than not, I feel His presence.
More often than not, I find myself singing and dancing and wiggling.
More often than not, I am aware of a single moment's value.

Always, I am blessed.
Always, I am thankful.
Always, I love.

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This week, I hope you share the "sometimes" of your life with other mothers and I hope you see God in the "always."
The blessings.
The moments of gratitude.
The love.


Love,
Mary

Love Letter Part II

Dear Gabriella,

Today is a special day.  It is your birthday.  You are turning 3 and I'm wondering where theses 3 years have gone.  There are so many things I find myself wanting to say to you, advice on life that is, but then I stop myself because, for goodness sake, you are only 3. 

Yesterday, after Daddy assembled the bouncer for your party, we made our way inside.  You cheered, "Girls only!"  At first (because Mommy is a worry wart about safety), I made us bounce on opposite sides because I didn't want to accidentally fall on you, but you bounced your way over, and asked me to hold your hands.  How could I refuse?

Now, because you are only 3, you will probably never ever remember this, but...
We bounced. 
And bounced.
And bounced.
And Mommy let her guard down just a little and we bounced really high... 
So high my hat flew off!
Then, you threw your hat off and said you wanted to be just like me.
I thought to myself, Don't limit yourself to who I am.  You will be so much more.
We laughed and rolled around.
You bounced around until you could bounce no more and then you bounced right into my arms.
We rested. 
I could feel the beating of your little heart and it reminded me of the occasion when you first noticed that your heart beats.  Since then, you frequently stop to let Daddy or me know that your heart is beating.

On this, your 3rd birthday, my heart beats for you, GG.  I adore you.  I admire you.  I love you.  And I sure do hope you can see it and feel it in the time we spend together.  Time that has never been taken for granted.  When I am old and look back on my life, one regret I know I won't have is spending so much time with you.  Time that has been permanently etched into my heart because it defines much of who I am.  If only you knew...

So, as you like to say, "Cheers!"

To another year of life.
With you.

Love,
Mommy

11/29/2009 12:12 pm

It's My List, Too

I've been so eager to share about my and Rick's trip to South Bend.  For those of you that don't know, Rick has been a fan of Notre Dame football since he was a little boy and, up until last weekend, had never been to a game or visited the campus.  This was one of those trips on his bucket list.

As our trip approached, I could tell Rick's excitement was mounting.  He wasn't sleeping well and he was watching prerecorded games to all hours of the night and early in the morning.  There is no way my love for Notre Dame football could even touch his.  You see, I am a fan by association.  I have come to appreciate the team because Rick does.  Everything I know about Notre Dame football is because Rick told me, showed me, or yelled it during an intense moment during a game.  When everyone in our area is getting ready to cheer on the home team, Rick is preparing for the fighting Irish.  He's wearing combinations of blue, gold, and green.

When the opportunity presented itself to go to a game, I jumped on it....Rick pounced on it!  I can't remember anything (other than the birth of our children) that has had Rick pacing with excitement through the night. It's hard not to start to love something that someone around you loves when they love it so much.  Does that make sense?  In so many ways, I started to feel like this was a trip on my own bucket list.  

Well, fast forward through the 6 hour car ride we spent laughing as the heater came on and off every time we hit a bump in the road.  Fast forward through the toll roads, pep rally, trumpets and rain.  Fast forward through me accidentally standing in the middle of the marching band as they walked to the stadium.  Fast forward through tailgating with new friends.

When it is time for the game, Rick and I were both saying how much fun we had had and we hadn't even seen the Irish step on the field yet.  Little did we know we were about to see the game of our lives!!

It was into the SECOND overtime and Notre Dame had just missed a field goal.  All Pittsburgh had to do was get that ball through the uprights and a game that had been going on for nearly 5 hours was about to be over.  We were actually sitting in the end zone where the Pittsburgh kicker was kicking.  You know how you watch football on TV and you see all of the crazy fans moving their arms in the end zone like it is ever going to make a difference?  That was us!  We were jumping and screaming and waving our arms like our lives depended on it.  Pittsburgh's kicker kicked and it was....

NO GOOD!

The refs made that cross with their arms and everyone went wild!  I was high-fiving everyone around me, hugging the lady next to me who was eating apples and granola bars the whole game, screaming at the top of my lungs so that everyone around us knew, "That was because of us!  That was because of us!"

It was in that moment of comradery with complete strangers, holding onto Rick's arm jumping up and down, that I realized...

Rick's not the only one that crossed something off his list.

I did, too.

His bucket list of things to do, his list for life...

It's my list, too.

Isn't that the way it is when you love someone?  You take on the hopes, dreams, and desires of their heart and make them your own. I know to most people, it's just a football game.

Not to Rick, though.

Not to me.

Last weekend, I saw God in the old, wooden stadium benches that held my feet as I stood to cheer on my husband's favorite team.  It's my favorite team, too.

Love,

Mary

A Maldonado Weekend

Fall has proven to be an extremely busy time for this photographer.  Since most of my sessions take place outdoors, cold and rainy weather had me cancelling three shoots.  The result...a weekend with absolutely no work commitments.  So here we are, Sunday afternoon, and I have a smile on my face that won't go away as I think about the last 48 hours with my family.

Allow me to share with you the hilarious, frustrating, awkward, and lovable moments that have captivated my life this weekend.  In each of these moments, the presence of God was so profoundly felt.  :)

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Saturday mornings usually find my family seated around the dining room table with one of the following breakfasts: 

biscuits and gravy with sausage or bacon and eggs

OR

pancakes

This weekend, Rick made the 1st option,  Whenever we have homemade biscuits, Rick makes GG a biscuit snake.  What this really means is that he rolls all the left over dough into a long zig-zaggy shape that resembles a small garden snake.  GG lets her imagination run wild as she dips her biscuit snake into the gravy and then bites of its head!  This simple tradition of Saturday breakfast is one of the highlights of my week. 

After Saturday breakfast, we decided to build a fort. There is just something about a fort that takes me back to my childhood.  We didn't mess around with this weekend's fort either!  It had not one, but TWO entrances!  Gabriella's new favorite line is, "This is girls only!" and so we had some girl only time in our multi-room fort.  GG, Marielle, Genevieve and I pretended and giggled and cuddled in our cozy fort...until...the big dragon (aka Daddy with 2 cups of coffee) came to scare us.  The shrill scream of feigned terror had me wondering if the neighbors ever worry that something crazy is going on over here!

We spent the rest of our day watching football, eating chili, and playing indoor soccer.

This morning, I was the first up (as usual).  As we began getting ready, the same old battle began.  Rick gets up late and I end up feeling like everyone gets to get ready except me!  Just once, I would like for everyone in our family to look good at church at the same time!  Please tell me that we are not the only family that argues over the silliest things on Sunday morning.  For all the times we can get this family of five going, Sunday mornings are not amongst those times.  I hate being late and it's even harder to finagle your way through crowded pews with a almost three year old who wants to talk to everyone she passes and two infant carriers!  Combine that with people who aren't willing to scooch on over and I am about over it by the time I sit down.  This Sunday, we actually got there in time to claim the very last row to ourselves.  We sat there with a twin anchoring our family row, GG in between, and Rick with his arm around me.  Earlier in the week Rick shared with me, "You know, even though I'm home every single day, the first thing I always do in the morning is put my ring on."  That remark struck me as Rick put his arm around me and then held my hand in church today.  A sweet moment interrupted by a weird look when I peeped over and noticed Rick messing with his pants zipper.  I gave him that look like what on earth is going on over there.  Oh, don't worry.  Rick forgot to zip his pants this morning.  Seems in all of the arguing and rushing, Rick forgot one very important detail in his wardrobe.  Yep.  We were that couple with the creeper dad who doesn't zip his pants!  No wonder everyone was staring at us this morning.  Rick said he had felt a draft, but couldn't figure it out.  Please ask me what the homily was about today, so I can tell you the reason I don't know: my husband didn't have his pants zipped...and in church!!  Is there something sacrilegious about that!?  When it was time for Communion, GG joined Rick, but got very upset demanding over and over, "I want that Body of Christ!  I want that Body of Christ!"  Well, I did something really bad... 

Rewind...

to all of the mothers of 1 and 2 year olds who keep telling me their children are potty trained, which makes me feel awful because Gabriella is almost 3 and proudly proclaims that she doesn't want to use the potty because it is easier to go in her diaper.

So, where were we?  Ahhhh....yes, GG wants that Body of Christ.  I actually said, "GG, do you want that Body of Christ?  Then, you need to use the potty.  The only people that can take the Body of Christ are people that go poo-poo in the potty!"

Seriously.  How awful is that?!  Well, I started feeling bad about that horrible use of bribery and tried to explain what the Body of Christ really represents in hushed whispers as the parents around me gave me mortified looks.  I know.  I know.

So, we came home, made finger puppet fall crafts and then GG went down for a nap.  Covering her was her Daddy's Steelers' terrible towel.  She won't go to sleep without it.

As we were crafting this afternoon, I snapped this picture.

GG making decisions about the size of the owl's eyeballs in the foreground, Rick playing with Genevieve in the background with Marielle laughing.  

I am in awe....

of the biscuits and gravy

of the forts

of the chili

of the hand-holding

of the inconsequential nature of Sunday morning arguments

of the unzipped pants

of the Body of Christ

I don't know how or with whom you have spent your weekend, but I bet if you look at the tiniest of details, the smallest of moments, you will see that God was always there.  

I am so appreciative that He, not only reveals Himself, but that He helps me remain aware.

Love,

Mary

Midnight Deadline

So, to piggyback on my previous post about God taking care of my family's needs, I find myself in a pickle.

Dilemma:

Rick does not have health insurance.

It is one of the huge sacrifices we have made so that he can stay at home with the girls.

We have always had that looming fear that if something medically happened, we would be in financial distress.  So, we have always prayed that he would stay healthy and there wouldn't be a need.  I know that isn't practical.  I know that isn't a smart financial decision.  It is a risk we take, better, it is a risk he takes.  

October brings about another year of open enrollment with our health insurance and now, more than ever, I want to add Rick.

But...

it is so expensive to add a spouse.  Not only that, we would have to take a plan that covers less.  Our budget is tight and, in all honesty, can't really handle the extra weight of the insurance addition.

Didn't God promise He would take care of us, though?

So, here I am.  The deadline to add Rick is at midnight and we don't know what to do.  

My request is simple:

I would really appreciate it if you would pray that God leads my family to the right decision.  I've got a midnight deadline and the time is ticking.  To a two-income family, this isn't a big decision, but to us...it is.

I'll be sure to share with you how God leads us...

For now, the time is ticking and we've got a decision to make.

Thanks for listening...or reading,

Mary