The Ride

I've been trying to think of a metaphor for having twins, or motherhood in general. As I approach the 33 week mark, my anticipation and anxiety have been through the roof and the thought that my life is about to change dramatically...forever...kind of freaks me out.
Hmmm....
The best I can equate it to is a roller coaster. If you've ever been on a roller coaster, then you know the infamous first hill. No good coaster ever starts any other way. Actually, according to physics, I don't even think it's possible. Anywho, when you start the ascent up that very first hill (which is more like a mountain because it's so high in the air) you just barely creep along. With every creak of the track you question your sanity for getting on the ride in the first place, you look down below to see everyone looking at you to gauge your reaction, you hold on then let go then squirm around trying to find the best position for the ride, you think, and think, and think...
I mean, you have plenty of time for it because that first hill is so super duper, it takes forever.
For me, that first hill has been my pregnancy. For the past 32 1/2 weeks, time has crept by. It's no secret (because I've shared before) how difficult this time has been.
Emotionally, physically...
This pregnancy has been such a teacher. I've learned how much pain and discomfort I can endure and still work full time. I've learned that a high-risk doctor appointment isn't the $150 p/appointment that I thought, but oh around $500-700! I've learned that a 2 year old does not care how tired or big you are when she wants to have a tea party or dance or (my personal favorite) do push-ups. I've learned that sometimes the person who gives you the most support is the person you snap at first.
Yes, you see, this first hill has been long and tumultuous.
But...
If you know me at all, you know I can't stop with just the hill.
There's the part you waited in line for...
The part you've been anticipating...
the actual descent down the hill and, after that, the curves and twists and loops...
the ride.
It's the part when you don't know if you should hang on or let go. It's the part that makes you scream and cry and laugh. It's the part that is out of control. It's the part that is scary and unpredictable.
It's the part that makes the hill and the waiting worth it.

Since Marielle and Genevieve could arrive at any moment, I currently find myself near the peak of the hill. I'm so ready to see what's on the other side. Am I scared? Of course! But, I've got Rick to hold onto when the ride is too rough. And I know when things are going to be okay (but I'm worried anyways), he'll push my arms in the air and tell me to enjoy it. I know I'm going to cry out of frustration, but I'm going to cry out of joy, too. I'm going to feel like there are times when I might fall out, but I won't. The support around me is too tight. I know that sometimes I'll see the loops coming and have time to brace myself. Other times, I won't. I'll let out an extra yell, then!

Here's the important part, when the ride is over, I'll look back at that hill and think, that was it. That's all I had to do for so much fun and excitement. That hill will seem so insignificant, a small price to pay for such a good ride. And when I look at the crazy photo that was taken on my way down that first hill, Rick will be beside me, and GG will be right there hanging on for dear life in the back (yes, she met all height restrictions).

*********************************

Since I'm just about at the top of the hill, I'm thinking my next post will have to wait until the ride has begun! Can't wait to share those first few days of the ride with you. :)

As I start the ride of my life, I'm going to see God, feel God, hear God. At least, I hope! Don't leave me hangin' now, God! hehehe :)

Love,
Mary

When the Cat's Away

After a really hard day at school yesterday, I woke up feeling the same and decided not to put myself through it. Have you ever tried to find a quiet and private place in a school to have a small breakdown in between classes? Ummmm, it's impossible. There are children and parents and teachers everywhere!! Soooo, I stayed home and did what my body was begging me to do: rest.

Rick and GG have quite the routine going on here, and I was so glad to see what goes on while I'm at school! Here are two things I learned:

1. Around 11:00 is a time I have now named "Danger Zone." This means that every block and doll and cup of tea and plastic cupcake and blanket in our whole house is on the floor of the living room. Wherever you sit at around 10 is where you'll be staying until nap-time when GG picks it all up! It is truly a Danger Zone for anyone not too sure on their feet. However, since my feet were elevated and my back was hurting, I didn't have a problem being held hostage in one spot. I loved looking around and seeing just how messy things can get around here. It means Rick and GG are having fun together. Playing and learning...
2. Whenever the Free Credit Report song comes on, GG sets off to find her Dora guitar and maraca. By the time she finds it and places herself directly in front of the TV, the commercial is over. So Rick replays it. Again and again and again. The whole time GG shakes her hips, plays her guitar, and sings into her maraca! Forget Row, Row, Row Your Boat or The Wheels on the Bus! In this house (apparently), we jam to a commercial for a free credit report!


As I woke up from my nap this afternoon, I thought to myself, while the cat's away the mice will play. And I wouldn't have it any other way! When I first when back to work after GG was born, I must admit I was jealous of the time that Rick had with her during the day. I wanted to be a stay-at-home-mom. I wanted to be the one to wake her up each morning and make her breakfast. I didn't want to miss all of those precious moments that happen during the course of a day.

Fast forward to now, 2 years later, and I couldn't be more content with our situation. It filled me with such joy as I got a glimpse of their day today. I'm so incredibly happy that my husband and daughter get to make so many memories together each day. My career has blessed me with the opportunity to have weekends, summers, holidays, and nights off. It's a good feeling knowing that my little family will always have the same schedule as me. When I'm off, they are too! We get to spend all of that time together. I wouldn't have it any. other. way.

Now, let's see how much happiness and joy there is when Rick is at home with two babies and an almost-three year old later in the year!! He may be running right out that front door as we begin a search for a daycare!! hahahaha

But...something tells me I won't have that to worry about. :)

Is this possible? I see God in a free credit report commercial. I guess anything's possible these days!

Love,
Mary

Bring it On

Wednesday, 6:45am: Marielle, Genevieve, and I head to school. As we make the drive, I pray for God to give me the strength through the day. This has been part of my prayer every day for the past few months. No answer.

Wednesday, 4:00pm: Say another prayer because, even though the school day is over, I usually start feeling the effects of giving so much energy to my students during the day. No answer.

Wednesday, 9:00pm: Can't fall asleep. "Are you there God? It's me again, Margaret. I mean Mary." No answer.

Thursday, 4:00am: Still up. Still uncomfortable. Is this a joke? How can I ever do this for 6 more weeks? No answer.

Thursday, 11:20am: Teach class full of eager students the important concepts of reducing and multiplying fractions. Seriously?! I say another prayer. Help me lead this lesson in a way that helps the students understand. No answer.

Sunday morning: I wake up and think to myself, I did get an answer.

It's Sunday.

He was there the whole time. He was always answering.

Sometimes, when we pray for something, we want an immediate answer. If God's response isn't immediate, we (ok, I) tend to think He's not paying attention. But if we're patient, we can look back and see that there was a plan, an answer, all along.

So, bring it on Marielle and Genevieve. We've got 5 or 6 more weeks of this and it will seem like the blink of an eye compared to the life I hope we have together. I know that no matter how I feel now it will be worth the joy I feel when you hug me, it will be worth the joy I feel when you go to Chuck-E-Cheese for the first time, it will be worth the smile and light in your eyes when you laugh. Even more, I know that when I hold you for the very first time (which, by the way, I haven't figured out how I'm going to do that, yet), I will realize that I made it through.

And then I think I'll start a whole other series of prayers about making it through baby life with twins and a two year old. And then a series of prayers about toddler years and, what I'm dreading most, teenage years. EEEEKKK!!! hehehehe

Looks like I've got lots of prayers to say and plenty of chances to practice patience as I look and listen for answers.

I see God in today; another precious day of life.

Love,
Mary

Strength

Sometimes, it's a moment, it's a second, it's a look, it's a feeling...
If you let yourself get lost in it, everything else is put into perspective.

Last night, I had that moment...

Rewind to earlier in the day. Awful. Swollen feet. Swollen legs. Excruciating back pain. If you've never had twins, it's hard to explain the extent of the discomfort, so I won't even try. Just believe me when I say my day was hard. That way I won't have to waste anymore of your time boring you with my tales of woe.

More importantly, though, it was Rick's birthday. I had left all of his birthday party planning until the last minute because over the weekend I hadn't been feeling well. So, there it was, end of my work day and I called Rick in tears. I didn't even think I could walk around the grocery because my cankles felt like they were going to explode. Rick said to come home to a back rub and foot spa and he would go pick up something for his birthday dinner. I actually considered it. We hung up the phone and I headed home relieved that he wouldn't be upset for a spoiled birthday.

But then I thought of something...

As Rick's Granny was so courageously battling lung cancer, she attended one of my baby showers for Gabriella. I remember it so vividly because she had just gone to a chemo treatment several days before. And there she was, finding the energy and the love to come and celebrate my and Rick's 1st child. She never complained. She was there with a joyful heart and I could tell it took everything she had to be there. If Granny, facing the most difficult challenge of her life, could do something for me, then surely, under my circumstances that pale in comparison, I could suck it up and give my husband the birthday dinner he deserved.
What an example of strength Granny was.

So, I made dinner. And a cake.

And I filmed our little family as we sang Happy Birthday.

I might add that I thought I was having contractions as we sang! Ha! I'm so appreciative that God gave Granny the strength to endure so many things. Seeing the way she used God is an example for me.

When you look at the strength of the amazing people around you and see how they're using God, it helps you figure out how to use Him in your own life.

I see God in the strength He gives to those who ask for it...
and the example they set for others.

Love,
Mary

No One Needs to Know

Are you the type of person that seeks recognition? When you do something nice for someone, do you tell others about it? When you go above and beyond the call of duty, do you want someone to acknowledge you?

After a conversation I had with a friend today, I was left feeling a bit frustrated. She and I were discussing how others in our profession are perceived. Some in a positive light, others not. Some warranted, some not. In my mind, I started to tally the list of things I do that I never get any credit for; the things that go unnoticed...unrecognized. In fact, as I started writing this post, I considered listing all of these things and then complaining about how under-appreciated I am.

But why?

Matthew 6 says, "When you pray, don't be like the hypocrites who love to pray publicly on street corners and in the synagogues where everyone can see them. I assure you, that is all the reward they will ever get. But when you pray, go away by yourself, shut the door behind you, and pray to your Father secretly. Then your Father, who knows all secrets, will reward you."

I think it's only human nature to want others to know what good things you're doing. It's a means of validation. Maybe deep down, you don't want others to think someone else is doing a better job.

Why beat around the bush? It's pride.

But just as Matthew warns against praying in public where everyone can see you, I think God feels the same way about the ways in which we're glorifying Him in our every day lives. We use our talents, our time, and our energy to glorify God, not to gain recognition for ourselves. No one needs to know...

except Him.

And that should always be enough.

So, the next time I give...

the next time I care...

the next time I do something to make a difference in someone's life...

the next time I go out of my way to help...

I'm not going to get upset because no one noticed.


I hope this weekend finds you using your talents and resources to glorify God in so many ways and telling absolutely no one about it!

After all, no one needs to know. Except Him...

Love,
Mary

This is My Life!

Is this really my life? Has it all come down to this?! The events of this week have been crazy, absurd, and laughable. I've found myself in the middle of moments thinking this is my life.

And I love it.

Drum roll please...a week in the life of me...

Monday-School started back. After having 2 weeks off with my family, I was having a bit of separation anxiety and was a little emotionally fragile. Rick had agreed to put up all the Christmas decorations while I was at work. When I returned home, I was amazed at his progress. Every single thing had been put away and stored. Hmmm...too good to be true. As Rick started telling me about how he had organized our decorations, he described how he had put all of our Christmas ornaments at the bottom of a very large box. As in, there were lots of heavy things on top of the ornaments. Heavy things that, over the course of a year, could break all of our ornaments into tiny little pieces, rendering us ornament-less next Christmas. I cried. I'm not joking. The thought of an ornament-less Christmas made me weep. Like a baby. Rick consoled me, "I'll go fix it right now." Of course, he's too sweet to be like, "Look woman, you are crazy and you need to get over the way Christmas ornaments are packaged." Later, I felt so stupid for being so emotional over something so trivial. I kept apologizing for my lapse in emotional stability. Rick assured me it was okay.

However, the ornaments have since been placed in new, nicely packaged boxes.

Tuesday, Wednesday- Since I've been pregnant, I crave the weirdest things. This week: the smell of dish water and the dishwasher. On Tuesday and Wednesday, you could find me with my head perched right above the lemony fumes of cleanliness. Really. I told Rick I wanted to stick my head in the dishwater because I couldn't get enough of just how good it smelled and, although he laughed, I could tell he was a tad worried. I think he thinks I'm going insane so...

I didn't stick my head in the dish water. or the dishwasher for that matter.

But I really wanted to!

Middle of the night Wednesday- Can't sleep. No surprise there. Rick gets up with me. We talk. I eat the second half bag of Lay's this week. I might mention in the the middle of the night on Monday I ate another half bag. They're just so good! Anyways, I get in the most absurd laughing fit you've ever seen! I mean I'm laughing like a jolly old man who starts laughing so hard in the middle of his own joke that he never finishes it! I couldn't even get out a sound. I was just shaking and shaking. Rick kept jokingly asking, "Are you okay?" NO, I'm not okay!! I've got the hormones of three women inside me. It's not possible to be okay. So I laughed and laughed and laughed until, all of a sudden, I started to bawl my eyes out! The biggest tears you've ever seen! I told you I've been on an emotional roller coaster! The thing is, I wasn't sad or worried or upset. I couldn't help myself so I just cried...
and then laughed...
and then cried...
and then laughed...

and then fell fast asleep.

Thursday- We're watching some show called Dance Moms. Totally ridiculous, but sometimes you need a show that utilizes absolutely no brain cells. While we're watching, GG keeps shouting, "GG do it! GG do it!" Gabriella wanted to dance. So we cheer her on as she dances and spins around the living room. Then, she starts saying, "Ta-ta! Ta-ta!" Not knowing what she wants, Rick lets her show him what she's trying to tell us. Well, she leads Rick right up to our bedroom, points to a drawer, and when she comes back downstairs has on the most beautiful lacy black bra you've ever seen! HA! She continues to dance and dance and dance. I guess she saw the girls in their costumes and decided to find a costume of her own. After she dances and dances, she looks at Rick and says, "You wear ta-ta! You wear ta-ta!" Now Rick will do a lot of things for his dear daughter, but dance around in a woman's black lace bra is not one of them. Sorry GG! Not tonight! hehehe :)

See, I told you this week has been crazy and absurd and laughable.

I'm sure you think we are the most dysfunctional bunch of weirdos! I was actually about to try and defend us, but you know what...

we are.

And I love it.

I love that in one day I can laugh and cry and find such joy in the smell of a running dishwasher and eat a bag of Lays and watch my daughter dance around in a black lace bra that she calls a ta-ta.

God, I see You in all of the crazy details of my life.

Love,
Mary

Adventure Part II-Read Part I Below First!

Two posts in one day...I know, I'm crazy! I wanted to give an update, though. I just wanted to show you that I take my own advice!

Think back to my last post. Remember how I asked about the last time you'd gone on an adventure? Remember, I quoted Webster and shared that the only necessary criteria was that what you were doing was exciting and remarkable. Well, I helped GG make her first cupcakes tonight!

Gabriella got a cupcake kitchen for Christmas and after making (and eating) about 1,000 imaginary cupcakes in the past 48 hours, I decided it was time to do the real thing. Sure, GG has helped in the kitchen plenty of times, but she's never done almost every single thing by herself...thus the adventure.

2 year old, in the kitchen, oil, eggs, icing...

Like I said...

Adventure!

We had the best time, though! In order to crack the eggs, GG just dropped them on the counter. Adventure! To stir up the batter it took about 45 minutes. Adventure! Some of our fairy toothpicks ended up face-down in the icing. Adventure! It was a great big lovable mess! I even told GG it would be our secret that she sneezed right over the batter. No one needs to know. (Say it with me) "Adventure!"

Anywho, my question is still out there. What adventure have you been on lately? What adventure will you plan?

I had an adventure in my kitchen tonight. Know how I know? It was exciting and...

remarkable.

Love,
Mary