What If

"What if?" questions...

The only purpose they really serve is to conjure up a bunch of unrealistic scenarios that are worrisome with no definitive answers that can calm your anxieties.

And if you didn't know, no one can ask a what-if question like a mother.

What if my baby has this...

What if my baby does this...

What if my baby doesn't do this...

Having twins is a whole new ball game and with each stage, I find myself with more what-if questions.

Marielle has not been sleeping.  During the day, she is fine, but nighttime has her up about every 15-20 minutes.  Last night, I don't think she ever slept more than 10 minutes at a time.  Combine this with the fact that at our last doctor's visit, we decided that if her head continued to grow at the rate it was, we would be getting some x-rays.  Baby that can't sleep + abnormal head size = a mother who is asking a lot of what-if questions.

The twins have a 6 month appointment today and I hadn't even planned on going.  After yet another sleepless night (I don't even care that I don't sleep anymore), I just want some reassurance from the doctor that everything is okay.  I want to be there in person.  I don't want it to be a conversation that Rick relays over the phone after the fact.  

So here I've been, since 5am.  Requesting a sub, getting plans together, putting pacifiers in, sniffling, in the dark.  If only you could see me.  I'm a hot mess, but I bet you can relate if you're a mom.  Nothing screams pity party more than a mother in a dark room at the butt crack of dawn worrying about the well-being of her child.  It's like the heart-broken teenager that just keeps listening to that same stupid sad song.  You want to say, "Get a grip!"  Someone needs to slap me and tell me to snap out of it! Ha!  Only, no one can because OF COURSE everyone in this house is FINALLY fast asleep.  

Oh, the irony of my family. 

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Just now, as I was waiting to for my pictures to upload, I checked my school e-mail.  I read an e-mail from a colleague who has been taking care of a family member during a very difficult time.  Very difficult.  God sure does know what we need and when to give it to us.  It occurred to me...

What if  my worst what-if questions come to fruition?

Well...then you do what any close, loving family does.

You take care of each other.

And the people around you, your support system, take care of you.

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I'm still nervous, but as always, He let's me find humor in my situation and humbles me by showing me the trials of others.

Today, I will see God in the twins' pediatrician as she calms my fears and explains to me everything I need to know.  Does she even realize just how He will use her today?  Maybe I will tell her.  If that won't be too awkward...hehe  :)

Love,

Mary

Here are some pictures of my family rolling around on the floor last night.  Really, they were just rolling, and rolling, and rolling!