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Saturday, February 18, 2012

The Ride

I've been trying to think of a metaphor for having twins, or motherhood in general. As I approach the 33 week mark, my anticipation and anxiety have been through the roof and the thought that my life is about to change dramatically...forever...kind of freaks me out.
The best I can equate it to is a roller coaster. If you've ever been on a roller coaster, then you know the infamous first hill. No good coaster ever starts any other way. Actually, according to physics, I don't even think it's possible. Anywho, when you start the ascent up that very first hill (which is more like a mountain because it's so high in the air) you just barely creep along. With every creak of the track you question your sanity for getting on the ride in the first place, you look down below to see everyone looking at you to gauge your reaction, you hold on then let go then squirm around trying to find the best position for the ride, you think, and think, and think...
I mean, you have plenty of time for it because that first hill is so super duper, it takes forever.
For me, that first hill has been my pregnancy. For the past 32 1/2 weeks, time has crept by. It's no secret (because I've shared before) how difficult this time has been.
Emotionally, physically...
This pregnancy has been such a teacher. I've learned how much pain and discomfort I can endure and still work full time. I've learned that a high-risk doctor appointment isn't the $150 p/appointment that I thought, but oh around $500-700! I've learned that a 2 year old does not care how tired or big you are when she wants to have a tea party or dance or (my personal favorite) do push-ups. I've learned that sometimes the person who gives you the most support is the person you snap at first.
Yes, you see, this first hill has been long and tumultuous.
If you know me at all, you know I can't stop with just the hill.
There's the part you waited in line for...
The part you've been anticipating...
the actual descent down the hill and, after that, the curves and twists and loops...
the ride.
It's the part when you don't know if you should hang on or let go. It's the part that makes you scream and cry and laugh. It's the part that is out of control. It's the part that is scary and unpredictable.
It's the part that makes the hill and the waiting worth it.

Since Marielle and Genevieve could arrive at any moment, I currently find myself near the peak of the hill. I'm so ready to see what's on the other side. Am I scared? Of course! But, I've got Rick to hold onto when the ride is too rough. And I know when things are going to be okay (but I'm worried anyways), he'll push my arms in the air and tell me to enjoy it. I know I'm going to cry out of frustration, but I'm going to cry out of joy, too. I'm going to feel like there are times when I might fall out, but I won't. The support around me is too tight. I know that sometimes I'll see the loops coming and have time to brace myself. Other times, I won't. I'll let out an extra yell, then!

Here's the important part, when the ride is over, I'll look back at that hill and think, that was it. That's all I had to do for so much fun and excitement. That hill will seem so insignificant, a small price to pay for such a good ride. And when I look at the crazy photo that was taken on my way down that first hill, Rick will be beside me, and GG will be right there hanging on for dear life in the back (yes, she met all height restrictions).


Since I'm just about at the top of the hill, I'm thinking my next post will have to wait until the ride has begun! Can't wait to share those first few days of the ride with you. :)

As I start the ride of my life, I'm going to see God, feel God, hear God. At least, I hope! Don't leave me hangin' now, God! hehehe :)



Thursday, February 9, 2012

When the Cat's Away

After a really hard day at school yesterday, I woke up feeling the same and decided not to put myself through it. Have you ever tried to find a quiet and private place in a school to have a small breakdown in between classes? Ummmm, it's impossible. There are children and parents and teachers everywhere!! Soooo, I stayed home and did what my body was begging me to do: rest.

Rick and GG have quite the routine going on here, and I was so glad to see what goes on while I'm at school! Here are two things I learned:

1. Around 11:00 is a time I have now named "Danger Zone." This means that every block and doll and cup of tea and plastic cupcake and blanket in our whole house is on the floor of the living room. Wherever you sit at around 10 is where you'll be staying until nap-time when GG picks it all up! It is truly a Danger Zone for anyone not too sure on their feet. However, since my feet were elevated and my back was hurting, I didn't have a problem being held hostage in one spot. I loved looking around and seeing just how messy things can get around here. It means Rick and GG are having fun together. Playing and learning...
2. Whenever the Free Credit Report song comes on, GG sets off to find her Dora guitar and maraca. By the time she finds it and places herself directly in front of the TV, the commercial is over. So Rick replays it. Again and again and again. The whole time GG shakes her hips, plays her guitar, and sings into her maraca! Forget
Row, Row, Row Your Boat or The Wheels on the Bus! In this house (apparently), we jam to a commercial for a free credit report!

As I woke up from my nap this afternoon, I thought to myself,
while the cat's away the mice will play. And I wouldn't have it any other way! When I first when back to work after GG was born, I must admit I was jealous of the time that Rick had with her during the day. I wanted to be a stay-at-home-mom. I wanted to be the one to wake her up each morning and make her breakfast. I didn't want to miss all of those precious moments that happen during the course of a day.

Fast forward to now, 2 years later, and I couldn't be more content with our situation. It filled me with such joy as I got a glimpse of their day today. I'm so incredibly happy that my husband and daughter get to make so many memories together each day. My career has blessed me with the opportunity to have weekends, summers, holidays, and nights off. It's a good feeling knowing that my little family will always have the same schedule as me. When I'm off, they are too! We get to spend all of that time together. I wouldn't have it any. other. way.

Now, let's see how much happiness and joy there is when Rick is at home with two babies and an almost-three year old later in the year!! He may be running right out that front door as we begin a search for a daycare!! hahahaha

But...something tells me I won't have that to worry about. :)

Is this possible? I see God in a free credit report commercial. I guess anything's possible these days!



Sunday, February 5, 2012

Bring it On

Wednesday, 6:45am: Marielle, Genevieve, and I head to school. As we make the drive, I pray for God to give me the strength through the day. This has been part of my prayer every day for the past few months. No answer.

Wednesday, 4:00pm: Say another prayer because, even though the school day is over, I usually start feeling the effects of giving so much energy to my students during the day. No answer.

Wednesday, 9:00pm: Can't fall asleep. "Are you there God? It's me again, Margaret. I mean Mary." No answer.

Thursday, 4:00am: Still up. Still uncomfortable. Is this a joke? How can I ever do this for 6 more weeks? No answer.

Thursday, 11:20am: Teach class full of eager students the important concepts of reducing and multiplying fractions. Seriously?! I say another prayer. Help me lead this lesson in a way that helps the students understand. No answer.

Sunday morning: I wake up and think to myself, I did get an answer.

It's Sunday.

He was there the whole time. He was always answering.

Sometimes, when we pray for something, we want an immediate answer. If God's response isn't immediate, we (ok, I) tend to think He's not paying attention. But if we're patient, we can look back and see that there was a plan, an answer, all along.

So, bring it on Marielle and Genevieve. We've got 5 or 6 more weeks of this and it will seem like the blink of an eye compared to the life I hope we have together. I know that no matter how I feel now it will be worth the joy I feel when you hug me, it will be worth the joy I feel when you go to Chuck-E-Cheese for the first time, it will be worth the smile and light in your eyes when you laugh. Even more, I know that when I hold you for the very first time (which, by the way, I haven't figured out how I'm going to do that, yet), I will realize that I made it through.

And then I think I'll start a whole other series of prayers about making it through baby life with twins and a two year old. And then a series of prayers about toddler years and, what I'm dreading most, teenage years. EEEEKKK!!! hehehehe

Looks like I've got lots of prayers to say and plenty of chances to practice patience as I look and listen for answers.

I see God in today; another precious day of life.