After an unexpected week in the hospital, I will be starting my third week of at-home bedrest on Monday. Apparently, I'm the poster child for bedrest because the same pregnant mommy of twins who was just huffing and puffing with the most horrific contractions a few weeks ago is now sealed up like Fort Knox. Who knew you could go backwards in your progress? Seems like the closer I get, the more my body makes an effort to keep these babies in. Maybe it's the power of my subconscious because, secretly, nothing about any type of labor excites me right now. It's been decided that I will have a C-section because Genevieve is now breech. Although the memories of my first labor and delivery with GG make me almost cry at the thought of a natural birth, I'm really afraid of a C-section, too. Many of the women around me have raved about their C-sections and the recovery. No one has shared a horror story to incite my fear. It's just plain and simple: I don't want to have the surgery because I'm scared. I'm also scared to push these girls out the good ol' fashion way. AND I'm currently incredibly miserable. So, we do have quite the predicament, don't we?
I found out I was pregnant at the beginning of August. Almost immediately, the trials that were going to come along with this twin pregnancy began. According to my calculations, for the past 225 days, I have either thrown up, cried, or worried myself awake, or all three. These days, when I have to stick my leg up in the air and swing it down to give myself the momentum I need to hoist myself out of bed, it's easy to get frustrated or feel defeated. Some women are blessed to have difficult-free pregnancies. Their bodies welcome the changes and pregnancy is bliss. My body...not so much. As I make it into my 37th week of pregnancy (which is apparently a huge feat for a multiples pregnancy) I'm starting to wonder if I will be the first mother of multiples (or mother period) who has a longer gestation than 40 weeks? Will I still be pregnant this time next year?! Will I ever get to meet these babies? I only have one week and one day until the scheduled C-section, but that seems like forever in my current condition. Hmmm....
As I read back over what I've written so far in this post I'm disappointed. I really didn't want to seem so negative. I kind of want to just backspace the whole thing, but I don't think I will. My blog has kind of been like a diary and, one day, I think I will want to remember what I was thinking in these final days when I was still waiting. So, here is something positive I can say:
Without a doubt, unequivocally, I would go through every single day of this pregnancy again because no amount of pain or sickness or worry can come close to rivaling the joy and love I will feel when I get to hold Marielle and Genevieve for the first time. Their little fingers and toes and noses and ears and splotchy red skin and cries...
I know that what I'm going to experience is ten times better than what I can imagine in this moment.
Until then, I'm still waiting...
Love,
Mary
I found out I was pregnant at the beginning of August. Almost immediately, the trials that were going to come along with this twin pregnancy began. According to my calculations, for the past 225 days, I have either thrown up, cried, or worried myself awake, or all three. These days, when I have to stick my leg up in the air and swing it down to give myself the momentum I need to hoist myself out of bed, it's easy to get frustrated or feel defeated. Some women are blessed to have difficult-free pregnancies. Their bodies welcome the changes and pregnancy is bliss. My body...not so much. As I make it into my 37th week of pregnancy (which is apparently a huge feat for a multiples pregnancy) I'm starting to wonder if I will be the first mother of multiples (or mother period) who has a longer gestation than 40 weeks? Will I still be pregnant this time next year?! Will I ever get to meet these babies? I only have one week and one day until the scheduled C-section, but that seems like forever in my current condition. Hmmm....
As I read back over what I've written so far in this post I'm disappointed. I really didn't want to seem so negative. I kind of want to just backspace the whole thing, but I don't think I will. My blog has kind of been like a diary and, one day, I think I will want to remember what I was thinking in these final days when I was still waiting. So, here is something positive I can say:
Without a doubt, unequivocally, I would go through every single day of this pregnancy again because no amount of pain or sickness or worry can come close to rivaling the joy and love I will feel when I get to hold Marielle and Genevieve for the first time. Their little fingers and toes and noses and ears and splotchy red skin and cries...
I know that what I'm going to experience is ten times better than what I can imagine in this moment.
Until then, I'm still waiting...
Love,
Mary
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