My World is Empty Without You, Babe

As we were hanging the ornaments on the tree a few weeks ago, I looked at one and smiled.  It holds an extra special place in my heart because it represents so much.

This time last year, I was pregnant with the twins.  I was going through, what has still been, the most difficult time of my life.  My pregnancy with the twins was an experience that no one will ever really get, but then again, I don't expect anyone to get it.  It's between the twins and me.  A special bond that we have, that we were able to make it through...together.

So, I've spent this Christmas season thinking a lot about how different life has become in just 1 year.  I was a little emotional anyways, but then on Friday, the news hit of the tragedy in Connecticut.

In the days since I heard the news, I have felt every feeling, for every single person involved, but I keep going back to the parents.  As a parent, you never really let yourself imagine what you would do if you lost your child.  You don't allow yourself to go to that place because the hurt would be too real.  The pain, the devastation...all of the feelings that would make your heart break.  

 

Do you know what I think every single person that deals with loss holds onto?

 

Memories.

 

Memories of time spent together.

 

And who among us ever experiences loss only to say, "Wow, I spent too much time with my child, mother, father, sister, etc."  No one ever walks away without wishing there had been more time together.

 

Maybe that's why I get so frustrated when people, society, loved ones spend so much of their energy on things that will never ever matter.  Society has created and perpetuated people that feel like accomplishment and success comes from the amount of money you make, the type of car you drive, how busy you are, how many famous people you know, what kind of job you have.  These are the things people brag about, and think you care about.  No one ever says, "Hey Bob, wanna hear how much time I spent with my child this week?" or, "Hey Tina, you'll never guess what I learned about my husband from the most amazing conversation we had."  Let's be honest, a lot of the time, people are building themselves up to make you wish you had what they had.

Do you think one single parent dealing with the loss of their child in Connecticut wouldn't give up everything they owned for just one more second with their child? 

 

Why do we let things that don't matter get in the way of things that do?

 

**********************************

 

Last night, we attended an event and on the way out, as everyone was standing at the front door and in the yard preparing to leave, Rick and I loaded up all three girls in my 2003 Nissan Sentra, busting at the seams, and as Rick started the car, it died.  It always does and to be quite honest, it's a little embarrassing.  But you know what, it wasn't last night.  I rolled down my window and yelled to anyone that was listening, "Oh don't worry, it always starts eventually!"  In true fashion, my car started right up and we laughed all the way home!  These people probably thought, "Oh that poor family with the 3 girls...don't even have a car that will start." Ha!  I'm laughing right now as I share the story with you.

**********************************

So, where was I?  Ornament, last Christmas, memories, loss, priorities, memories...

memories...

Rick recorded the Ed Sullivan show that aired on KET a few weeks ago.  Since then, we play it and Gabriella dances and sings along with the performances.  Yesterday, Rick put on the Supremes and Gabriella mouthed the words, and shook her little booty!  The words to the song...

"My world is empty without you, babe.

My world is empty without you, babe."

The moment was not lost on me.  

 

On Friday night, as I cuddled in bed with Gabriella, I pulled out A Christmas Story.  I asked, "Gabriella, why do we celebrate Christmas?"  

She replied, "Jesus."  

"We celebrate Jesus being...." I waited for her to finish my sentence.

GG replied, "Boring.  Jesus being boring."

Well, actually that's born, not boring!

These are the memories we're making and there will be even more memories made this Christmas, as we add Marielle and Genevieve to the mix.  

When I think back on the ornament and what it represents, I am in awe that I've made it this far!  I don't know how we do it.  I don't really want to try and analyze it.  All I know is that we are spending our time together, focusing on each other, and wherever we're going, we're sure to arrive in a jacked up car that won't start on the first try!

I hope you look for God in the time you spend with your family.  He is always there.

Love, 

Mary